magic man

Official Transcripts from a 1984 interview on InterTalk: Entrepreneurs from Diverse Dimensions. This is the last public appearance from General Aquademus The Fourth. Afterwards, he was arrested the next day, the first of many investigations that followed after establishing his company Aqua Remedies. Below are the transcripts of his interview.

Announcer: Good evening, and thank you for tuning into InterTalk: Entrepreneurs from Diverse Dimensions. I am your host, [REDACTED] here to introduce our very special guest! He is eccentric, but wise; crazy, but filled with knowledge about the universe. He has written a critically acclaimed book Healing with Only Your Mind, which is about using willpower to heal any injuries and diseases! This debut novel has impacted the lives of millions around the world! Please welcome the amazing General Aquademus The Fourth!


Aquademus: Far out! Thank you [REDACTED] for having me on this show. I can feel the overwhelming aura of the audience. Very warm, very receptive. Very impressionable.

[REDACTED]: Thank you General Aquademus the Fourth! It’s a great honor to have you on our show!

Aquademus: No need to use my full name, Star Child. Please call me Aqua. Although in the streets of Frisco, they call me Magic Man.
(Audience laughs)

[REDACTED]: Now Aqua, it seems your book is considered controversial, especially amongst medical circles. For instance, one reviewer called it “dangerous propaganda that is used to mislead people.” How do you counter such allegations?

Aquademus: Well, first I say to them: what is truth? What can constitute as the truth? In my book, I do not consider it propaganda. Instead, I offer alternative variations of the truth. It is a malleable concept, after all.

[REDACTED]: Very illuminating! Now, in your book you have certain theories about healing from within. How did you come up with this concept?

Aquademous: Here is the dealio, my friend. We have a natural immune system, capable of cleaning out any bad mojo known as injuries and diseases. So, in order for that system to reach its full potential, we need to look from within. We need to visualize those diseases, and will it all away with our mind. Once we have done that, the body’s system will begin eliminating impurities.

[REDACTED] Of course.

Aquademous: But there is more to it than that. I propose that any medication is unnecessary; in fact, it may hinder our natural bodies. So, to hell with these “vaccines” and “pills.” Those chemicals are bad mojo, you know what I’m saying? Real (expletive)! Instead, you have to channel your aura, be one with it, tell those diseases to knock it off, man! You gotta stop listening to your doctors and psychologists! Take charge of yourself, and use natural, no bull(expletive)remedies; stop with the Big Pharma stuff! Instead, I believe we should use plants and herbs from nature, along with my own inter-dimensional brews!

[REDACTED]: How interesting! And passionate! Now, regarding the brews you mentioned, you are making your own essential oil company, right?

Aquademus: I’m glad you brought that up, [REDACTED]. Yes, my company will be called Aqua Remedies. It will provide natural, miracle inducing remedies that will cure everything; from common colds, to broken bones, and even psychological issues like anxiety and depression! I am a Star Traveler, a dimension hopping alchemist that wants to help humanity reach its full potential! Some of the substances are from Beta 0, Dimension 467, and many others. Their herbs are great for tapping into a person’s soul, amplifying their immune system. All you need is a
drop, one DROP, from these oils and you’ll be INSTANTLY cured.

[Audiences Oohs and Ahhs]

[REDACTED]: Amazing!

Aquademus: Hell yeah it is! And our company is accepting new recruits! We are EXPANDING, [REDACTED]. Ex-panding! And I want EVERYONE working under me to be their own boss! Take charge of their Destiny! And I hope that we, as a society, are able to work together and reach our maximized potential, and then some.

(Audience applauds)
[REDACTED]: Thank you, Aqua! We’ll be right back after the break so don’t go anywhere!