Category Archives: for sale

Entropy, LOW RATES

Do you need to lose a lot of energy very quickly? Is your environment just too predictable? Do you prefer disorder over order? Do you want nothing more than the total disaggregation of all particles in your entire universe? That’s right, friends. This famous offer is back on the table.   I present to you

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Selling cloning device, good condition

Hey, I bought this cloning device from a yard sale, but I don’t think it’s working correctly. The manufacturer plate is gone, so is the serial number, otherwise it seems to be complete. Obviously I can’t tell you what it looks like on the inside, I don’t have the hypergeometric tools and the life insurance

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Ideal Villainous Lair, Invisible* Top Half!

This beautiful building located at ██████ in █████ is for sale by Dajexeterex & Associates for a low price of fifteen quantum particles with measured velocity and position! This building features a beautiful stone front with slavecrafted pillars and a foreboding atmosphere on the bottom half, and an invisible* upper half, perfect for all your

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Numbers, Numbers, Numbers

Claim your own number today, good sapients. We at the Incremental Foundation of Counting are selling every number. Competitive pricing, you will pay only one squanderheart per number. Each number ships with a certificate of authenticity, you know what you’re getting. Professional number-crunching available if required. For a limited time we are offering a special

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Fountain of Drought

I recently purchased a new estate and found a delightful rococo style fountain on the property, decorated with symbols of drought deities. It has the most lovely design, and a really masterfully planned water display. I need to get rid of it for personal health reasons. It doesn’t require any hookup to water supplies, it

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[UPDATE] Mambos No. 1 to 4

Not a listing, but a strange update. Lou Bega announced recently in an interview about the origin of Mambos number 1 to 4, which sound like complete tripe to me.   He came up with some excuse that it was representing the five continents, which is a big stretch to say the least, but a

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[CHEAP] Rectified 5-Orthoplex Couch

Selling a rectified 5-orthoplex couch, exists in five dimensions. Inherited it from my aunt who got busted for selling metaphysical experiences in R2722. Fits three fifth dimensional beings, four fourth dimensional beings, and causes spontaneous annihilation in three dimensional beings. Made of fine oxbeetle fur, prime quality. Slight damage on the second hyperplane from trying

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SEEKING!!! Recipe Book of Forgotten Eternities

Hi y’all, Looking for a recipe book that instructs on how to create universes from scratch. I’ve only found programming examples (NOT what I’m asking for, I’m not good with computers) or theological prayer books. BUT I will pay a good price because I want to get this done A S A P please! There’s

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Murder of Ravens

Looking to rehome murder of ravens. Used in the past for debt collection and harassing restaurants that don’t deliver on time. Three of the six hundred are well-capable of basic speech but can’t be expected to shut up. One enjoys dad-jokes. Will trade for vintage Rolodex of demons-for-hire or a soul-weighing station. Don’t worry about

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FOR SALE: Calendar that only tells you what happened in the past on today.

I have a calendar for sale that’s a bit quirky, got it from a trivia enthusiast. It only tells you historic events in the current universe that happened on this day and requires you figure out what the date is based on that. I suck at trivia, so I’m selling it. Q: How hard are

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Chanting Pumpkins, Help Wanted

Hey Y’all, Farmer Jacobs here, I most certainly hope this is the correct part of the interwebs to be posting this, but the darndest thing went on in my pumpkin patch last night. At the stroke of midnight i was awoken by a strange chanting, so naturally I grabbed my shotgun, pulled on my overalls

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Selling Tincture and Lapidary shop

I’m looking for options in selling my established and profitable tincture and lapidary workshop – we’re established and successful within our Alabama and Georgia area. I’m wanting to sell as-is and in-place, including all of my hardware like the two-liter electric alembic pot, hoarfrost condenser, and our fifty gallon rock tumbler, the latter which is

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SELLING ADJUSTABLE MONSTER TRAP

GREETINGS! I AM DESIGNATED HUNTER B3-6N-02P, SON OF RENOWNED MONSTER HUNTER Y6-0I-01P. THOUGH OLD AND OBSOLETE TO ME, HIS ALL-PURPOSE MONSTER TRAP MAY BE A GOOD FIT FOR ASPIRING AND AMATEUR MONSTER HUNTERS. IT HAS BEEN MAINTAINED EXCELLENTLY OVER THE YEARS, AND FUNCTIONS JUST AS WELL AS IT DID TWO CENTURIES AGO. IT IS CAPABLE

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FOR SALE: Pocket dimension containing billions of socks.

Basically, my ex-husband worked in the machine washer business, and after our divorce he gave me a pocket dimension as alimony. Thing is, I think he’s pulled a prank on me and built a portal into the design of the washing machine that sucks up socks and drops them in the pocket dimension. Willing to

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The United States of America

I recently acquired this country in a yard sale for $50, but it’s not functioning as expected so I’m hoping someone who knows how nations work can take it off my hands and fix it up. The inhabitants are easily subdued, they’re only humans so they’re not too much of an issue. There’s a few

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Pre-universe Matchbox car, mint condition

Limited edition Elder God Chariot from the Matchbox Eternal series, pre-universe. You may not ever find something else like it, since as far as I know, all the other pre-universe ones have been recalled by Matchbox for anomalous effects. Statement from the company: “We did not make these. They don’t even exist and they never

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Portal to THE VOID for sale (slightly used)

Gently used portal to the Void. Recently constructed by the Necro Society, used as a demon transport every solar eclipse. Has only been used a few times for religious sacrifices, forbidden knowledge, and arcane rituals. Kit is included as well as an instructional DVD that covers basic maintenance. The portal is a 20 feet deep

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Mind controlling baby chicken for sale. CHEAP CHEAP CHEAP!

I’ve recently come into possession of a three-eyed chick, which I’m pretty sure was put in my garden as a prank from the Martians. Anyway, it CHEAP CHEAP CHEAP can take control of my mind for a few seconds at a time, but it doesn’t CHEAP CHEAP CHEAP know English, so it kind of just

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For Sale: Fortune-Telling Auto-Typewriter. Fair Condition, Answers Only in Haiku

You can have it for 25 credits in any interdimensional currency, demonic favors preferred (will throw in a ream of paper). It’s fairly functional and accurate but as the ad says, it’ll only answer questions in haiku-form. Here are some questions I asked it, for instance: Q: When and how will I die? A: 2024–

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