You have enemies. I have more. We have a shared problem: too many enemies.

Death is so brutal. Death is so easy. And finally: too abrupt.

You could change them. We could change all of them. My solution: turn them into sheep.

The woolly ones. The ones that bleat. Yes, observe: they are fully aware.

I can perform this. Perform it for you. My demand: 1 reincarnation credit.

They live carefree. They live knowing what they were. Error: cognitive dissonance.

Be rid of your enemies. Be rid of frustrations. Sheep: The solution of the future.

A warning to you. A warning for all: These sheep: not to be harmed.

Inextricably linked to Ariekel. Linked to god of sheep. Warning: Revenge may be served.

Contact me with a bleat. Bleat at midnight. Promise: I will appear.

Murder of Ravens

Looking to rehome murder of ravens. Used in the past for debt collection and harassing restaurants that don’t deliver on time. Three of the six hundred are well-capable of basic speech but can’t be expected to shut up. One enjoys dad-jokes.

Will trade for vintage Rolodex of demons-for-hire or a soul-weighing station. Don’t worry about them dying, they breed faster than you can eat them.

[Relayed submission from The Accountant]