Murder of Ravens

Looking to rehome murder of ravens. Used in the past for debt collection and harassing restaurants that don’t deliver on time. Three of the six hundred are well-capable of basic speech but can’t be expected to shut up. One enjoys dad-jokes.

Will trade for vintage Rolodex of demons-for-hire or a soul-weighing station. Don’t worry about them dying, they breed faster than you can eat them.

[Relayed submission from The Accountant]

Bird Demon Won’t Leave me Alone

This isn’t a damn joke. This happened a few weeks ago. I received an egg from the user (NAME DELETED), and they gave me what they SAID was a “genuine dragon egg.” Turns out it wasn’t a dragon egg and I didn’t realize it was a bird demon egg until it was too late. They look very similar, and in hindsight it was my fault that I didn’t check the Mystical Creature Database.

I tried reaching out to (NAME DELETED) and their contact information and number no longer exists. The bird pretty much grew into this red eyed, aggressive creature that can dismember a man with its sharp claws. There was no way  to reach out to the vendor, and now this fucking bird is terrorizing my house. It only sustains itself with the blood of its victims, it destroyed my kitchen, and killed my pet pheonix. (She resurrected after a week, but still.)

I need a demon hunter who can kill or exorcise the bird. I am willing to provide a vial of pheonix tears for payment. They’re pretty valuable for healing wounds and is a priceless alchemical ingredient.

EDIT: Name removed based on Mod request.

UPDATE: I still haven’t received any inquiries about this job. The situation is getting desperate. The demon bird ate a mailman and trashed my study. I’ll add some dragon scales to the offer just PLEASE kill this thing.

UPDATE 2: Apparently this creature is called a¬†Stymphalian bird. I’ve managed to keep the thing at bay by shaking a rattle. For anyone willing to kill it, take heed: its feathers are sharp and shoot out like arrows. You’ll need something to make a big noise so please take that into consideration. I’m still holding out for offers.

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