[WANTED] Cursed Sticker Removal

Need someone to remove some cursed stickers from my mailbox.

The other day I left my house to get the mail, and noticed a sticker on the side saying “CTHULIST.ORG” and searching on it led me here. It’s pretty hard to type, really, I’m used to 4D keyboards but this place only allows 2D letters. Nonetheless, guess I’m fighting fire with fire, eh?

Anyway, the stickers seem to age whatever I try to remove them with. I tried scraping it off with my nails, now got 4 wrinkly fingers, one necrotic. My knife just turned to rust under it and blew off in the breeze. I’m expecting compensation off the admins for that, by the way; it wasn’t a cheap knife.

Are there any mages or scientists who may be able to help me get the sticker off my mailbox? Or even any sort of substances I can use? WD-70 isn’t cutting it.

Phone me at [REDACTED].

urgntlg ned a spalchker

hi pls my nam is lucy n i got cursd to spal bad wheb i was a teenogre. I ned a spalchaker to chek the spall iv wrotten to uncruse me. i have a diploda of majic revreasl butt i stil ned sumwon to make sure it’s goochy b4 i try it bcz the sigh defects…

wit the debilidildotating consockquenches my afflecktion cozzes it tok me 10 yirs to right my spel write, i can’t spear the thot of anotr 10 chekin it so plzzzz i need u to help!!!!

if it wroeks eyell pay u dubbel, butt the craws is rlly stratting to herd my profensibgonal reptiiuattaoon. cnat writ emals, cnat use introneot bcoz even googlggle doennt no wht im trybgto say

i rly need hlep, i am traped withot u whoweather u r……….

cuntact me @ [REDARCTDE]

SEEKING!!! Recipe Book of Forgotten Eternities

Hi y’all,

Looking for a recipe book that instructs on how to create universes from scratch. I’ve only found programming examples (NOT what I’m asking for, I’m not good with computers) or theological prayer books. BUT I will pay a good price because I want to get this done A S A P please!

There’s been some promising blogs I’ve looked at but they always talk too much about their husband’s experience with power tools before they get to the actual recipe — so that’s a no go.

Again, HIGH PRICE! Specifically, my firstborn.

Contact me by building a smoke signal at the highest point on your world. I’ll find you and we’ll work something out. Thx

  • God [R1001]

Quantum programmer needed – dimension leak on huge website!

Don’t let this leak, or my boss will fire me, okay?

I’m the IT technician for the worldwide Earth-4536 publication, The Onion. Our company has been giving the news more accurately and quickly than any other news site in our dimension, but recently we’ve found the servers have leaked and become available in the Earth-2899 Internet. Reality is rather different there, and not only are they seeing our dimension’s news, they are commenting and passing it off as ‘satire’ or ‘fake’, which is greatly damaging and confusing our reputation.

Nonetheless, they never trained in interdimensional programming, but they’re expecting me to fix it anyway, so I need a quantum programmer to fix the leak. Email me at i̴̜̖̙͈rẃ̼̫͇͉͍i̷n͎̳͝s̴̟̗̤@͓̯t̙h̜̝͇͝ẹ̸̩̩̲̘̣̣o̮͕n͎͍̪̬̟̥͢ [EMAIL CORRUPTED – COULD NOT DISPLAY IN THIS DIMENSION]


I need a vampire hunter in order to eliminate an invasion currently proceeding in my small Eastern European village. This is a temporary position and I will pay for transportation, room and board.


  • At least 4-5 years experience.
  • Monster Hunter Certification with specialization in the undead.
  • One month temporary position. Might be considered a permanent member of our vampire hunting crew if you perform well enough.
  • Pay is 6000 euros at the end of the month.
  • Alchemy and knowledge of necromancy spells is not a requirement but preferred.
  • MUST pass background check, the Zombie Infection Test, and cannot be under the influence of any dimensional death god.
  • We do not discriminate against vampires or any humanoid race. We will accommodate you if you have a supernatural affliction, curse, or inter-dimensional malady- we are an equal opportunity employer.

Please send us a resume and respond to this job entry. SERIOUS INQUIRIES ONLY.