Quantum programmer needed – dimension leak on huge website!

Don’t let this leak, or my boss will fire me, okay?

I’m the IT technician for the worldwide Earth-4536 publication, The Onion. Our company has been giving the news more accurately and quickly than any other news site in our dimension, but recently we’ve found the servers have leaked and become available in the Earth-2899 Internet. Reality is rather different there, and not only are they seeing our dimension’s news, they are commenting and passing it off as ‘satire’ or ‘fake’, which is greatly damaging and confusing our reputation.

Nonetheless, they never trained in interdimensional programming, but they’re expecting me to fix it anyway, so I need a quantum programmer to fix the leak. Email me at i̴̜̖̙͈rẃ̼̫͇͉͍i̷n͎̳͝s̴̟̗̤@͓̯t̙h̜̝͇͝ẹ̸̩̩̲̘̣̣o̮͕n͎͍̪̬̟̥͢ [EMAIL CORRUPTED – COULD NOT DISPLAY IN THIS DIMENSION]