You know when you see something, something so grabbable and hardly guarded, and you just well – grab it?
Crazy I know but about 7 million hell-years ago (hell 616-dimensional standard time) whilst studying the ancient and stolen art of Kleptomancy I did just that. I could steal just about anything in the wink of an eye when I was in my prime.
You see, just like that, oh, ahaha, you don’t even know what’s missing yet, but you will.

I just retrieved the HERZSPHERE from beneath my friend Edgar’s floorboards, when asked if I could store something different there he, in the fetal position, simply muttered nevermore repeatedly.
So if you know how to fix a broken poet do let me know.

But back to the HERZSPHERE, it seems to be thumping consistently and weeping as usual, it weighs quite a lot more than it should but no matter. Now as money isn’t real I am willing to trade for this item.
I’ve already got a few offers but I am in need of, and will prefer to trade for the following.
– your Third Eye, not like you’re using it anyway
– your Partners 8th Chakra, they will never know it’s gone
– a [NEGATED] original print beta-deck black lotus magic the gathering playing card
– Salvador Dali’s moustache
– a Fishcat
– That, that right there, yes, that

If you have any of these things and are willing to trade please take the following steps to reach me:

1) find some parchment and write what you’re willing to trade in your own blood whilst screaming
2) place parchment in a crystal bottle and cork it
2) retrieve a red balloon from your nearest sewer-clown, be careful
3) tie said balloon to crystal bottle and, on a full moon, hurl it just to the right of the moon

If your deal is worthy, and arm strong, it will reach me and, if your feet start to sprout flowers or nose ooze slugs, you will know I have accepted your offer and will be visiting you previously.

Impossibly – Merling, Grand Wizerde of Nhil