There is a Hunger.

The Hunger grows ever stronger, biting, gnawing at him.

What construct of flesh and bone can satiate it?

Only the Naergloan.

He offers only this exchange: A memory of a picnic and the life-debt of the Dog-Child in return for the Naergloan, or best offer.

[Relayed Message From R4920 by The Evergrowing Hunger]

I don’t have a son, willing to sell

For clarification, there is something in my house calling me ‘father’, but I don’t have a son. The eyes are deep black with no white, anywhere — and he sounds like three people at once.

It took me three days upon his arrival to realise I don’t have a son, nor am I married to a broom.

If alien trafficking was illegal in my dimension I don’t know what I’d do — but fortunately for a lucky buyer, you can have your own son.

Be warned, he may ask after state secrets and classified information. YOU DO NOT NEED TO TELL HIM. DO NOT TELL HIM. DO NOT.

Please hurry up, hell, I’ll accept offers as low as fifteen dollars. Just get him out of my house before he puts hot wax in my ears again while I sleep!

Trampoline that only double bounces

I’m selling a trampoline that only double bounces. You heard me right.

It also works if you’re the only person on it, you’ll just bounce really high and awkwardly each time, maybe fall off and break a leg. If there’s two people on it, you’ll both do it, with a much higher chance of falling off and breaking your legs.

Obviously with the military applications of such a device I can’t say where I got it and I can’t accept money.

The price is 12 virgin souls. If you’re interested and can prove you’re not an undercover/deep-cover military agent/psuedo-agent/alien spy, I will give you the trampoline.

If you can pay another 12 virgin souls, I’ll tell you my source.

My contact number is [EXPUNGED]. Call me ONLY if you’re interested. NO REFUNDS, SOULS CONSUMED IMMEDIATELY ON PAYMENT. NO QUESTIONS ABOUT WHAT I USE THE SOULS FOR.