Selling Tincture and Lapidary shop

I’m looking for options in selling my established and profitable tincture and lapidary workshop – we’re established and successful within our Alabama and Georgia area.

I’m wanting to sell as-is and in-place, including all of my hardware like the two-liter electric alembic pot, hoarfrost condenser, and our fifty gallon rock tumbler, the latter which is of our own (patent pending) design and has an aura-shielded electric motor so there’s no funny business if a witch or other magic-able individual steps into the back room.

We sell hundreds of pounds of cut and polished stones a week, and our herbal tinctures are used in potions all across the mid-south by professionals and home-based practitioners alike. My two employees are both veterans of their trades and are almost irreplaceable wells of mineral and herbal knowledge.

I’m rather loathe to sell, but I’m increasingly seeking an opportunity to return to school to finish my degree in lunar astrology and mineral-compliant alchemical materia medica.

My contact information is available through my agent, Martha B. at the Solar Cairn Real Estate Company in [RETRACTED], TN. Serious inquiries only. If Mrs. B. gives you the contact information, feel free to visit my shop for a tour and samples of our new Moonlight Gold tonic line.

[User submission by Eliza G.]

Coronation Crown – hardly used

Some man-sized [REDACTED] came through my back door. He was awfully persuasive, and sold me a crown. If anyone would like to take it off my hands, it would be appreciated.

He told me it extended your life by two minutes every time someone says “God Save the King/Queen!” (depending on if you’re male or female, respectively.) I rushed to hospital, where my mother was staying, and placed it on her head, and she got better in minutes. So that bit works, I guess.

However, he didn’t tell me that it also puts you under mind control of what I assume is the [REDACTED] government, and God knows what they want.

So yeah, if you want to live forever but as a [REDACTED] slave, this might be the thing for you. Accepting any reasonable offer, send me a fax at [REDACTED], since those things have tapped my internet and my phone line.