The United States of America

I recently acquired this country in a yard sale for $50, but it’s not functioning as expected so I’m hoping someone who knows how nations work can take it off my hands and fix it up.

The inhabitants are easily subdued, they’re only humans so they’re not too much of an issue.

There’s a few warning lights, nothing too major though. Check engine light with the codes for oxygen sensor, fuel pump and cam sensor. It misfires sometimes but you just have to restart it with a violent revolution and it’ll be fine for the rest of the day. I don’t have the money to get it repaired, so I’m offering it for $35 and I’ll throw in a guitar pick and a small packet of assorted lint (five different colours).

I have a separate offer for Australia, but that one I will throw in for an extra $5 since it’s mostly desert.