Dimensional portal, want gone. Cheap cheap cheap.

Are you looking for your next portal to an unholy hellscape? If so, you’ve found it in my backyard! About 5x5ft, it’s a swirling vortex of miasma the colour of which is incomprehensible to any higher-intelligence.

At this point I’ll take any offers, we can arrange transportation. Bring an excavator, portal doesn’t seem to exist below ground. I can hire one if you’re willing to cover the cost.

Watch out for the flying ants that endlessly spew forth from its maw, and bring some goggles so they don’t clog up your eyes like they did to me.

It also utters the phrase el surbatinium austenti subralinia which I don’t think has any meaning — you might want to check with your local cultist, though.

If you’re feeling adventurous the portal could be investigated. Maybe it leads to other dimensions with better cthulist access than me, maybe one where everybody gets Eternal Access, while plebs in my dimension are stuck on Acolyte Tier. Cthulist upgrade me please, I’ve been waiting 500 years!